Be Your Own Advocate

Advocate; a person who publicly supports or recommends a particular cause or policy.

So many of us have a cause close to our hearts, or as my sister likes to say “a hill to die on” lol.

Often, we are constantly advocating for others- and wanting them to have better opportunities in life or for life to be more “fair” for them.

Lately something that has continued to come up for me and for others through conversations I have been having- is the idea of advocating for yourself.

In the Workplace

“Don’t Compromise yourself, you’re all you’ve got”-Janis Joplin

Our culture and society has such a toxic methodology behind how it operates, and in turn how employees should operate.

Hustle culture-A buzz word that’s used to define success but something I have decided to unsubscribe to because often it ignores self-care and our overall mental and physical wellbeing in said “hustle culture.”

In what’s deemed “hustle culture” we have somehow been persuaded by big corporations or even just by companies that you owe your heart and soul (and then some more) to work- and it can cost your wellbeing and overall, HEALTH, both physical and mental.

We are often asked to do tasks on a daily basis that have nothing to do with our job description and continually expected to work overtime without proper pay. You are expected to be available 24/7 leaving no time to truly disconnect.

Additionally, often even though we are given PTO and sick days, often we never take them all because it’s frowned upon or we feel guilty for doing SO.

Prior to the pandemic- it was encouraged, and you were almost seen as a hero if you “sucked it up” and went to work while visibly sick (only to pass on whatever you had to half the office.)

When I worked in the payroll industry as one of my roles as an account manager- I would work directly with HR admins for companies- who were managing employee’s PTO (paid time off.)

Often, we would see companies offering “Unlimited PTO” and I just knew it was too good to be true.

What I found out was that statistically speaking- when offering unlimited PTO- employee’s actually take less time off then if you were to offer them two weeks paid time off.

Also the HR admins knew this and that’s why they would chose this policy.

ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF- they are your days!

 

Mental Health Days/ Sick Days

I know my situation may be a little more different as I suffer from an autoimmune disease  (lupus )however we are all allotted sick days and typically mental health days should also fall under that category and in some cases companies also allot mental health days. Regardless the days are yours and you are entitled to take them as you PLEASE.

Be your own best advocate!!

Something and a very hard lesson that I had to learn early on in my corporate days was to advocate for myself and for my health and with that- I had to take my sick days and ALSO to learn not to feel guilty about doing so.

THEY ARE YOUR DAYS- again advocate for your wellbeing.

I can vividly recall having someone slack message me when I took the day off because of lupus- saying “oh are you hungover?” and I remember feeling devastated and so misunderstood to only realize that I knew my truth, and I knew I was sick, and I wouldn’t be gaslight or guilted for taking sick days I was allotted.

Also, I knew I was advocating for myself and that I owed no one an explanation and any person questioning your motives – they aren’t “your people.”

ADVOCATE FOR YOUR HEALTH AND ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF IN RELATIONSHIPS.

The Quality of Your Life is The Quality of your Relationships

 This is one of my favorite sayings of all time and it really is the truth.

Something I have also learned is that often you need to advocate for yourself and for your needs while in relationships- be it romantic or friendships or with family- boundaries and advocating to make sure your needs are met is SO important.

Those who respect and don’t push your boundaries, and those who meet your needs and listen to YOU- those are your people.

ADVOCATE, ADVOCATE, ADVOCATE.

 

Minding Your Medical

 *Disclaimer * I am not a mental health professional or medical professional this is merely just from my perspective.

  This past summer- I had reached a boiling point with my anxiety and overall mental health and decided after over a year and half of intensive talk therapy, that I would try medication as sometimes you can do all the work and there is still a chemical imbalance.

What became tricky however was that I had to form a new relationship with a physiatrist who on the spot diagnosed me with a mood disorder.

In my heart of hearts, and as the only person to experience this journey of life in my OWN body and mind- I knew that this was not the case, and even my therapist was adamant she thought it was an anxiety issue not mood.

After hesitation and not knowing how to advocate for myself at the time, I reluctantly started a mood stabilizer at the suggestion of my physiatrist.

As any mind medication it can take up to 6-8 weeks to fully work but at least 2 weeks to get into your system.

SO what happened was, I started to feel off when I started the medicine but stuck with it. I was increasingly nauseous but wrote it off as one of the symptoms common to started medication.

To only one morning wake up, with complete vertigo. I rushed to grab a Gatorade to only fall to the ground uncontrollably shaking and throwing up.

Something was completely wrong- so I took myself to the hospital.

I was hooked up to an iv for hours and given valium to calm me and Zofran for the nausea and was discharged with “vertigo” hours later.

In my heart I knew it wasn’t vertigo, but at the time I didn’t fully advocate for myself. (it’s like a muscle the more you use the easier it gets!)

My mom drove up to Hoboken that day, as mind you I was hospitalized the day before I was supposed to move to Philly.

After being released my body was in chaos- spiking a high fever at times to only then be shaking uncontrollably- lips turning blue with chills.

I was too sick to pack or to even drive my car back to Philly, completely bedridden- barely able to stand and unable to eat.

A Week Later

 I stopped all medication until I was feeling better to only be told it was most likely lupus related vertigo or just lupus related- therefore even though I knew it was the medicine I decided to do a trial run again that night.

I took my medication prior to bed as usual- and suddenly woke up around midnight- to notice my vision was blurring and that I was shaking uncontrollably and my nerves felt like they were being severed.

I felt an urgent rush that something was very wrong with me, and I called my cousin Molly who is a nurse at Penn- she rushed over and said we needed to get to the hospital immediately.

After an entire night in the hospital (and hours and hours of waiting in a wheelchair in agony for a room- to then have every exam know to man done- it was determined I was having a severe chemical reaction to the mood stabilizer I was given.

The lasting effects wrecked through my body for up to a month after I stopped. I was bedridden and had to stay at my parents for about a month.

I decided to stop all mood medication and to wait until my body recovered.

Third Times a Charm?

Around November (hospitalizations were in August) I decided to consult the physiatrist again.

I knew that I wanted something for anxiety such as an SSRI not a mood stabilizer- but again I still didn’t know how to advocate for myself and therefore I tried another mood stabilizer.

Things were going well- only until we went to increase my dose I started having this insane feeling of restlessness and panic- known as Akeisa (google it- it will TERRIFY you. )

This feeling came on as soon as I took the medicine- and I couldn’t get comfortable- I was so panicky and the only thing to calm me was a klonopin. I was so agitated I couldn’t  sit still without feeling sheer and utter panic – to the point i even ripped one of my fake nails off.

I was talking quickly and felt like I was looking down on my body, but didn’t know how to help myself- in full panic- walking around my apartment unable to relax.

I was told “stick with it” and for a week I tried the new medicine to only have insane panic attacks daily- furthering my anxiety.

I cried hysterically for days feeling helpless.

All until I advocated for myself.

I point blank told my physiatrist- that although I respected her as a professional- that ultimately It was my body and my choice- and with that I said I either wanted to be prescribed an SSRI for anxiety (no mood stabilizer) or that I would find another doctor who trusted me and who listened to me.

I was met with some hesitation but ultimately was prescribed an anxiety medicine.

Magic in Advocating

  My summer to fall was truly some of the darkest moments of my life, where at times I felt like I would never feel like “myself again” or that I would ever be able to get my anxiety under control.

I can say now that my medicine has kicked in and how I advocated for what I knew would be best for my body- I can without a doubt say that I am one of the happiest I have ever been – with minimal but manageable anxiety.

I cannot advocate enough for getting medication if you need It but always trust yourself and always be your own best advocate.

 

No One’s Coming to Save You

 One of my favorite career and life coaches (Mel Robbins) has a viral sound on tik tok- from one of her many public speaking events- where basically she explains how no one is coming to save you in life.

Sure relationships build us up and provide support- but we are all put on this earth to save ourselves and to learn how to advocate for ourselves and as our number one priority to learn to take care of yourself physically and mentally.

It is no one else’s job on this earth to save you except for your own job.

 “Be Bold enough to use your voice, brave enough to listen to your heart, and strong enough to live the life you’ve always imagined.”

 

 

Vibes
Xo,