I’m Single and I Don’t Need Your Help Mingling

On behalf of single people everywhere, this post is dedicated to YOU. For those of you in HAPPY and HEALTHY relationships, drop some comments for tricks and tips that may help us singles out!

Being SINGLE and HAPPY is NOT an Oxymoron

“Appreciate being single because that’s when you grow the most and with that growth, you come to know what you’re looking for.”

I know, I know, you may be thinking that this is about to be a hateful blog post from a woman “scorned”, who is shitting on all those in relationships, out of pure JEALOUSY.

I will come right out and say that this is absolutely not what this post is about, so do me a favor and hear me out! Out of the gate let us first discuss a few of my pet peeves pertaining to this topic.

**Disclaimer** My pet peeves apply to both the “singles” and the “takens.” I have been on both sides of this scenario.

Pet Peeve #1
“Singles”

When your friend finally finds someone he or she really likes

While this is amazing, BAM you unfortunately just lost your wing “man/woman.” You slowly find that your friend is hanging out more and more with the “Significant Other” and less with you—and it SUCKS. Instead of being really happy for them, you become SPITEFUL. You start playing the victim card, the card that plays into the stereotypes of “poor me I’m single”, when in fact you’re just bummed you don’t have your bar-hopping, gossip-loving partner all to yourself anymore. You begin to slowly start being passive-aggressive, and even start taking it out on the partner, whom you’ve barely taken the time to get to know.

I’m talking major shade here. Sometimes you even go as far as to not even speak to them when they are in your presence! Your mind is made up that because this person “stole” your friend, automatically they’re a bad person.

CAN YOU RELATE!?

I can because I’ve done it to friends, and I regret and STILL CRINGE thinking back at some of these behaviors.

Life Lesson

Be HAPPY for your friend, your day too will come, and I’d imagine you would want the same love and respect. And if it isn’t meant to be, remember no one PERSON or THING can make you HAPPY, it comes from WITHIN. Nothing good comes out of jealousy and this sort of negative energy your harboring will only create tension in the friendship and cause you to be a bitter, jealous person.

Think about this…Imagine becoming a bitter, jealous person who is encompassed by negative energy. Let me ask you, do you think anyone would really want to date someone who is encompassed with jealousy and negative energy?

NOPE.

If you’re experiencing these feelings, I highly encourage you to have a healthy and constructive conversation with your newly “cuffed up” friend. Maybe you could suggest having a scheduled weekly or semi-monthly dinner date for the time being, just you two?

I would also encourage trying to get to know the significant other better, especially if it looks like they will be a keeper.

And hey, use them to your advantage as well! I’m sure that they know of some eligible “singles.” Better yet, if you actually bond with the significant other you’re only adding to your friend group and providing yourself with more of a network both socially and within business! You never know.

I have been on both sides of this scenario, and I will humbly admit that at times, as the “single friend”, I acted out of pure jealousy and unfairly judged my friends’ significant others without them ever having a chance. Nothing positive resulted of this. Not for me, my friend, our friendship, or their partner.

LOSE/LOSE.

Pet Peeve #1
“Takens”

Okay great you met the love of your life, you’re in the whole “honeymoon phase” and legit nothing your significant other can do will make you see anything other than rainbows and butterflies.

You then begin to use “ we” or “us” when making any sort of plans, I MEAN ANY!

For example: “We are Free” or “Let me check with him/her first.”

This becomes very annoying and gets old FAST. Okay so let’s assume your (single) friend is doing a really great job of realizing you want to spend A LOT of time with your new partner and they’re respecting it, that’s GREAT.

However, try to make a point to have some 1:1 time with just you and your friend in return, no “we” or “us”. No matter how swimmingly you think your friend and partner are getting along, at a certain point you need to be self-aware enough to know that no one wants to be a third wheel ALL THE TIME.

Secondly, when your friend reaches out to ask what YOU are doing tonight, it’s annoying if every time you respond you use “we” statements.

Okay, I guess this really annoys me because I mentioned it above, so take note. Make an effort, and don’t forget who was there before the new “we.”

Pet Peeve #2
“Singles”

THIS IS A BIG ONE, and being SINGLE myself I can’t even imagine how annoying this is for our taken friends. Maybe this is why they don’t want to come out with us all the time anymore.

Singles, it is extremely annoying when the very bane of your existence is based on having a relationship. Like when you’re invited to a party or to go out you ask “what guys/girls” will be there? Oh, and if you tell them who will be there and they’re dissatisfied, it’s enough to make them decide NOT TO GO.

Or, say you don’t ask ahead of time, but you get to the party and find no eligible suitors, YEP sometimes you’ll leave, or go bar to bar trying to find people “worth talking to.”

** Disclaimer** I’ve been there, we all have…and that’s okay. Take some life lessons from below.

Life Lesson

You will never ever be happy unless you make yourself happy first. This is proven time and time again. With that being said, you’re most likely not in a good place if you are seeking a relationship so desperately. It’s probably best you remain single in an effort to find your happiness within yourself first.

Honestly, think about this further. If you are basing your sole existence as a human being on someone else to make you happy, you will FAIL.

I also think desperation is the least attractive quality one can have and it can be sensed from a mile away. It’s almost like at this point, people know that you don’t even care who they are, you just want to have “someone.”

Don’t force FATE, what’s meant to be has already been decided, and will always find you.

“It’s not about being WITH SOMEONE who makes you happy, it’s about BEING someone who makes you happy.”

(Read that again).

Pet Peeve #2
“Takens”

We all know the friend who gets into relationships and ditches everyone else. While this may be more understandable if it is your first BF/GF, you need to learn fast and quick that this is an extremely shitty quality. Say you were this person, but you learned from it and were forgiven because it was your first relationship, GREAT, GRAND, Wonderful.

If you continue to make this mistake time and time again, you are making a big non-verbal statement, that you value whomever you are dating much more than your friends. Respect and value of friendship GONE.

Life Lesson

“The quality of your life is measured by the quality of your relationships.”

Be the kind of friend you want in return. Don’t be the friend who is known to drop friends as soon as they get a partner. Your circle will slowly decrease and you will not be respected. Sorry that’s harsh, but true.

To all my ladies; statistically speaking women outlive men, so I would advise cherishing your friendships. Oh, and when you need to bitch about your significant other, who will you call if you have no one left because you abandoned all your friends!?!?

You get what you give in life, maintaining relationships takes work. Be the kind of friend you want in return.

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, who in my mind is the ultimate “former” single girl…

“The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you YOU love, well that’s just FABULOUS.“

Vibes,
XO