Becoming a Life Coach

Who Do I Want To Be When Im Older

“The One thing that you have that nobody else has is you. Your Voice, your mind, your story, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can.” – Neil Gaiman

Becoming Merey 

 For as long as I can remember, I always knew that I wanted to be “an entertainer” Most kids wake up early on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons while I woke up early to watch “I Love Lucy” or “The Nanny” reruns in my purple plush robe, with leopard pajamas, coffee in hand, at the age of like six.

 Often young kids enjoyed playing outside while I preferred watching E! True Hollywood Stories, where I learned about how some of my idols “came to be” famous. I used to manifest and daydream- trying to think what my E! True Hollywood Story would be like when I was older.

I remember at the end of the E! True Hollywood Stories, it would always paint the celebrity in a good light(oh Hollywood lol) , showing all the good they have done and how hard they worked to get where they are.

I wanted my chance at my own story- I WAS HOOKED. I wanted to DO GOOD.

Something however that tormented me for most of my life was the idea of how could I possibly make this dream become a reality- because it felt like everything I was doing was getting me further from the goal.

See the thing about dreams is, they feel so real because you’re always thinking about them- but to reach the goal- at times it feels like universes away.

You Want To Be What?

Have you ever told someone that you want to a public figure or famous? How about telling people you quit your stable corporate job to pursue your dreams of being in the public eye?

Well if you did– I am SURE they will look at you like you have one thousand heads.

 TRUST ME.

Anyways, for literally as long as I can remember- I always knew that I wanted to use my voice and persona in a big and I guess public way. Being “famous” was not enough for me, I needed a purpose as well.

I also had my parents in the back of my head- always asking me “well what do you want to do with your “fame”? (hypothetically of course lol) since we have yet to arrive there. I mean fair question, because “fame” in itself can seem so – SHALLOW and self- obsessed, on top of being very self- destructive.

So over the course of the past year upon quitting my job (last September) and starting my blog (In February) , I’ve had a lot of time in my own head (also thanks to Covaid) and I have been working on the answer to that question.

What You See If What You Get

I would say that my “Claim to Fame” is just this, that I am extremely honest, maybe to honest sometimes, and I am authentic- I will tell you exactly how I see it, whether YOU like it or not- I’m VOCAL.

I actually can now laugh looking back on a co-worker who really didn’t like me much- one time she asked me “are you aware you have a really dominating personality?”

 I mean imagine if I wasn’t aware!?! But sadly when she asked me this, I knew I was about to announce that I was starting a brand, named after me and well frankly based on my personality- so YEAH IM AWARE LOL.

Here I am FULL FORCE- MEREY. (For a long time I held back this full force-ness) NO LONGER!

 

Not So “Open Book “

Okay yep – a Jessica Simpson reference is only natural but PLEASE bear with me. When I went to the Jessica Simpson “Open Book” signing in February, Jessica explained that she was offered an extremely lucrative book deal a few years back- but simply she wasn’t in the right head space to do it- so she waited until she confronted some demons, and was able to tell her whole truth, and with that truth she had hoped to help others set their own souls free.

THIS SPOKE TO ME- because while I always had a very good idea of what I wanted to do within the “blogging” and “influencer” space, there was something that was holding me back- from wanting to help others, and that was the need to help myself first.

*Cue* the analogy of put your oxygen mask on first before saving anyone else.

So for me, I am someone who suffers tremendously from GAD, better known as Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am extremely vocal about my coping mechanisms and how this has affected my life. Looking back I know that anxiety has probably effected my performance at every single job I have ever held, and also within every relationship I have had in life.

Anxiety is the reason, I have feared taking the next steps in my life because anxiety has this way of telling you – somehow you will fail. The paralyzing invisible control of voices, telling me “I Can’t” with the opposite force of my mind and body telling me to “go for it.”

 

REAL-ITY TV

Prior to the beginning of the Pandemic in March, while I was working on the release of Mereygo-Round.com I began auditioning for several different types of reality shows for “Influencers”. I remember on one casting, I was asked “what my Niche as a blogger/influencer was?”

The question, although it should be simple, did take me off guard, because well I was still trying to figure it out. I remember however, we continued on throughout the audition/interview, I answered any and every question asked about me, and my life- with great pleasure!!!

At the end of the audition, the casting director said to me- “your niche is a life coach influencer” I can just see it- he said. It made my heart feel full, it’s what I wanted to say in the beginning, what was deep down in my soul- but for some reason anxiety got in the way of allowing me to fully say what I wanted.

Anxiety, also almost got in the way of me becoming what I have always wanted- and that’s not famous it’s someone who wants to use her voice to empower and to help others, through discussing my own struggles.

See the thing about fate is, sometimes when we can’t recognize it, someone else does.

 

Silver Linings 

I hate the pandemic, with every fiber in my body- and truly don’t want to be one of those who found “the silver lining” but for the sake of the brand- I shall. Remember how earlier I stated that at the Jessica Simpson book signing I realized that something was stopping me from pursuing my dream of being a life coach influencer?

Well the silver lining for me was that due to having to move back home (temporarily), I realized how much I was struggling, because since I live alone sometimes I am not aware of my day to day struggles, so being around others made me hyper aware of how much I was struggling with my own anxiety.

I will go into this in full detail in another blog, but as someone who has struggled with ADD/ADHD and learning disabilities for most of her life, I was put on ADD medicine in 7^th grade and have been on it ever since. Something I started to notice was that after while I felt I “needed” my ADD medicine to focus and without it I was not able to.

It was keeping me alert but was causing me anxiety and causing me a lack of sleep. It was the chicken and egg game- “If I don’t take it I won’t be productive, but if I do I might further my anxiety”.

God- our culture is way to focused on the idea that productiveness =success so much so that we compromise our daily happiness just to feel like we are having a “productive day”- even if we are barely holding our heads over water. (MORE ON THIS AS WELL LATER ).

Anyways, I decided that my anxiety had reached a point that was out of my control. I reached out to my doctor, as you should never just stop a medicine, especially one you have been on for years.

I explained that my sleep has been off, and anxiety at all time high. I said I am tired of having to a take a pill to “make me productive”.  We are working together now and have already lowered my dose with eventually weening off completely.

I am being mindful of taking it at the same times everyday, and ensuring that I am eating all my meals and getting enough rest.

I already feel better.

Just taking this little step, also furthered my journey of taking back control.

I am really proud of myself, for owning my own truth.

 

The Deconstruction of Anxiety 

Wouldn’t we all like to understand where the root of your anxiety stems from? Wouldn’t realizing the “why” behind it- allow us to contain and manage anxiety?

For me- I felt like my anxiety was random, in the sense that I could become completely overwhelmed by little tasks such as 1. Doing Laundry or 2. Packing for a trip.

So sure, anxiety about deadlines, or projects for work those seems normal but what about random anxiety- how could it be connected to one underlying reason???

See I knew for me, I have always wanted to use my big personality to help others, but I wasn’t in a position to do that until I could learn to help myself.

 

The Workshop That Change My Life 

My mother found the workshop, and it was at the perfect time- because I no longer could live the way I was. More importantly I couldn’t live my life’s purpose until I helped myself.

Dr. Todd Pressman, a Psychologist, and the author of the book, “The Deconstruction of Anxiety” hosted an intensive anxiety Workshop, which consisted of one night- with a  two hour introduction followed by three FULL eight hours days, of intensive anxiety workshops.

As I am sure this comes as no surprise, but I actively work on myself, and am a deeply spiritual person- so I knew that I would get out what I put into the workshop.

Although I “buy into” the spiritual side, something I have always struggled with is  as mentioned above is the idea that there is one “reason behind anxiety”.

Until the workshop that is.

 

Root of Your Core Fears 

Dr. Pressman asked the class a question

“What Would your life look like, if you were free from fear and anxiety?”

Honestly, I held back tears, because I didn’t even know how to envision a life of such freedom- or without anxiety.

I did however raise my hand ( via zoom) and proudly said “I would be absolutely unstoppable, literally limitless, if I was free from anxiety.” 

I love how Dr. Pressman likes to speak of our relationship with anxiety, as a fear, and with this fear we are losing our freedoms within our daily lives because our life is driven and fueled by anxiety.

The fear that we can’t relax until all our tasks our done, and that often we are so consumed with fear and anxiety that we do not become who we are meant to be.

The first part of the workshop focused on the fact that there are 5 (Core Fears) that are the roots behind ALL ANXIETY.

Initially I felt doomed- NOPE I don’t just have “one”. I also got in my own head, like I wouldn’t be able to figure it out. All of these thoughts before I even started…

Core Fear

We then went through a series of exercises, the first one was that we had to list a few of our problems that are currently bothering us, and explain with as much detail all the reasons why they cause anxiety, and what the ultimate fear is behind it.

Essentially- becoming aware of what plagues your anxiety- is ultimately the the way you can resolve it, by discovering your core fear- the driving force behind it all.

Mind you, this course is used to further your profession if you are in the mental health space- so essentially it was Dr. Pressman, Me and 12 other THERAPISTS.

IT WAS INTENSE but life changing, to hear from the perspective of other mental health professionals.

 

Fear of Failure/Rejection

This is the problem I wrote down, that has been weighing on me for months.

“ I am delaying getting my Life Coach Certificate, and Delaying starting my coaching business because I don’t want to fail, I want success.”

I then had to into as much detail as possible about what would truly happen if I “failed” and why I feared failure so much.

Just from doing the second part I had a breakthrough- I started writing down every moment in my life I have failed, and realized- I am still where I am today- my dream is the same and I survived those failures.

I also realized all those moments I saw as “failure” are the reason I am here today, and without them I might not be. So for me, after days of intensive work through this workshop, I realized that we all develop coping mechanism that actually work directly against your core fear- when you think your actually helping it- such as the flight or fight responses.

So for example, I have such a fear that I will fail in life- that I actually worry so much before I am going to take something on- that  sometimes it prevents me from even starting or prevents me from FULL FORCE going after it!

See how that works against me? See for me, worrying has always provided me with a false sense of security and control over a situation, sort of like if I worry enough about something, it either won’t happen or I can already handle how I will be if it does???

It has been working against me MY WHOLE LIFE. So big picture, My Core Fear (reason behind anxiety) is

 

Fear of Failure

(I will dedicate an entire blog to a deep dive of how we got to this in the workshop as well!)

Essentially I have a profound dream to have success and financial independence of my own, (which I know we all have) but to an extreme level- that it has developed into a massive fear that if I don’t achieve it, somehow I will miss out on my life’s purpose or something?!

CRAZY- but relatable am I right?!

Dr. Pressman then asked the class- “Think of the first memory that pops up into your head in regards to your fear.”

Immediately I pictured myself, on my first sales meeting, at ADP slinging payroll in my territory in Hells Kitchen. It was my first meeting alone, and I was REJECTED. I remember going back to the office after that and finding my mentor and telling her “I’m not going out alone again, I can’t take that.”

I remember she thought I was crazy and obviously in the wrong field. See what’s crazy looking back was I allowed fear to stop me from trying again. It’s wasn’t the job, it was the fear.

**Side Note ** (perspective provided this to me- for a long time I felt like such a failure.)

The thing is, once you can reach the point where you discover what’s it is that is hindering you from being who you are meant to be, that is the moment you start living.

Living free from FEAR.

 

Becoming a Life Coach 

I allowed myself to suffer internally for so long, because of fear and anxiety, and I will no longer allow this.I confronted anxiety and my fear head on, and now I know I am stronger, and ready.

It’s brave, to recognize when you need help, and this will be my life’s mission on continuing to be the best version of myself as possible and with that helping others to also achieve their own successes in order to LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE YET!

Well with that, I want you ALL- all of those who have supported me TIRELESSLY during this journey, you should be the first to know that;

I decided to officially take the steps towards becoming a Certified Life Coach!

This is my formal statement, NO TURNING BACK! Signed, Sealed, Delivered.

We all owe it to ourselves, to find our happiness and to not let fear stand in the way.

 

“You Owe Yourself the love that you so freely give to other people.”

 

Rock on everyone- your worth it!

 

Vibes
Xo,