Were All Just Walking One Another Home 

 It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when we “lose our way” but something I’m starting to learn is no matter how lost you feel, it always leads you to exactly where you need to be.

 Make no mistake, and as someone who is in the middle of what they deem a “midlife crisis” (lol) I know it’s easier said than done, but looking back on the patterns throughout life, all those moments where you feel like giving up or like nothing is going as planned.

Feeling like your life is in shambles, or your not where you should be in life, feeling like your drowning and barely keeping your head above water- I’m talking about those moments.

Those are the moments we grow and learn the most, the moments where you must pick yourself up from the ground and just keep going, with or without a plan (usually without) 

 As someone who has had their fair share of mental health struggles- most recently this past winter, the worst it’s been- I can stand here as I have made my way to the other side- to tell you a few of the crucial life lessons I have learned from my darkest, most bone chilling moments of battling anxiety and depression.

The Only Way Out Is Through

If you have been following me you probably have seen me reference this phrase often and it’s made its way as a headline a time (or ten) in my blogs but it’s truly a pillar foundation for how I live my life, especially during my lowest moments mentally.

I truly believe that sometimes we have to walk through hell to get to where we need to be.

There are so many life lessons learned when one metaphorically has to walk through hell, and I wanted to break down some of those life changing lessons I have learned in hopes it helps even just one person suffering working to come to the other side!

And as a reminder, life is fluid, and the only constant is change- but as someone who has recently went through one of the toughest times in my life to date- I wanted to share some things!

Grieve the Life You Thought You Would Live

All of us have dreams that begin in childhood, that take our mind to a magical place, where limits don’t exist, and the possibilities are endless.

We envision what our life will be when we are “all grown up”- we imagine what it looks like, the way it will feel, the way it will be perceived, what will make us happy and how we will live.

I know I was constantly daydreaming and envisioning how I expected my life to be as a child.

Grief; Often I associate grief and mourning with the loss of life, but something that I have recently come to understand is that often grief is about the loss of something, and typically the loss of something profound or great in our lives.

So for example you can grieve for a lost dream or a vision of how you thought your life would be. Even when it’s just a dream and maybe you never physically had it- the connection and dream you had- if it dies you can grieve for that.

Pandemic

The Pandemic came so abruptly and changed the course of all of our lives. SO many dreams and goals were pushed back or lost.

There was SO much loss and with that so much grief- a sense of universal grief we have not experienced within our lifetime.

Something I started to focus on- besides all that was being taken from us was to allow ourselves to actually feel the loss- to walk through the fire of hell to get to the other side.

See personally I feel that if you do not accept and grieve for what is lost, you stay stuck where you are- and that is something that can lead to the darkest lowest moments and for those who have struggled with battling depression- you know exactly how this feels.

To feel utterly hopeless, stuck in a body that wont move, a mind tired beyond belief but wanting so much more but not knowing how to get there and not having the energy to do so.

The defeat, guilt and shame that you may feel, the grief, the loss, the sadness, the hopelessness.

And repeat after me

“The Only Way Out is Through.”

Rejection is the Universe’s Protection

 Rejection is a part of life, one of the most painful and personal feelings of loss- is rejection.

Rejection is so painful that often it’s the reason that people stay stuck in fear and don’t take chances. Rejection keeps us small. Rejection keeps us “safe” and rejections keeps us exactly where we are.

Whether it’s pursuing their dreams, dating, meeting new friends or pursuing new hobbies- often the fear of rejection is so encompassing that we stay stuck and we stay in fear.

Ofter the fear of rejection and failure is so encompassing that we never take chances on ourselves.

See however something I’m coming to realize all too well throughout the patterns within my life that I know to be a universal truth would be that “Rejection leads way to redirection.”

Sure we can feel disappointment and like life is “unfair” when circumstances do not turn out the way we had hoped but truly, if its meant to be it will find it’s way to you, and often when your “rejected” it’s the universe’s way of steering you closer to your journey and towards all those people who are supposed to be on your path.

Recently I saw a meme that said “You didn’t get what you wanted because you deserved better”, and I truly felt that. I also took a chance to reflect back on moments of rejection or disappointment in my life- to realize that maybe at that time I wouldn’t have been able to see the “big picture” so instead the universe took the obstacle out of my way in order to continue to guide me to align with my path and life’s purpose.

Grace and Space 

Without a doubt the most important lesson my mental health battles and my chronic illness (Lupus) have taught me is how hard and unforgiving I have been in the past of myself, and how I held deep shame and guilt for myself when I wasn’t feeling my best physically or mentally.

When I was really struggling this past winter, I started to get really frustrated with myself for how long it was taking me to feel “like me again.” Even worse I started shaming myself and comparing myself to old versions of me “I used to be able to handle this better” or comparing myself to my peers “why can’t I get it together like so and so.”

I would shame myself and feel unending guilt for simply giving my body and mind a break by resting, and the self hate spiraled.

I was lucky enough to be surrounded by an amazing support system and although everyone had differing advice, the universal message I was given across the board- from friends, family, my therapist and psychiatrist was that I needed to start showing myself the same grace and space i show others who are suffering.

What this means is that I had to honor exactly where I was at that given moment in time and to give myself the space to navigate through my mental and physical troubles. To not be so hard on myself for not feeling like myself and to allow myself the time to rest and to heal.

To accept and surrender to where I am and to gracefully allow myself all the space I need to navigate through the dark storm.

 

All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.

 

Vibes
Xo,