Being An Empath

Living Life as An Empath 

One of my “personality traits”- that I feel most connected to would be- simply being an empath and its honestly not something I was even aware had a name until probably the last 1-2 years.

I had written a blog a few months back pertaining to being an empath- and I got so many responses how people felt they related (most specifically women) and through my own work in therapy (which I started a few weeks ago for my anxiety) this has come up a lot.

What has come up the most is my relationship to the world as being an empath- and how being an empath, although it is highly rewarding, it’s also very important that empaths learn to take care of themselves, and therefore I wanted to write about my journey thus far with how being an empath impacts my daily life, and some of the self care practices I am starting to implement- most importantly just raising awareness to how this effects me- has been the most eye opening- so I wanted to share!

Empaths: a person with the paranormal ability to apprehend the mental or emotional state of another individual.

Or simply put

Highly sensitive and highly intuitive people.

 

Reading The Room: Universal Energy

Have you ever walked into a room full of people- and just knew that something was wrong with one of your friends or even just someone in the room- even if no one else’s notices?

And instead of being able to let it go- maybe you harp on what’s wrong, how you could fix it and now your energy and anxiety are in full over-drive almost like you can’t even enjoy yourself because you know someone else isn’t?!

Even though deep down you know this pain isn’t yours- but there is something about how you feel that suffering, that you can’t get past and you fixate over it and it transforms your entire energy?

That my friends is what being a “attached empath” can be in an intimate setting.

Dying on Every Hill

My sister likes to make a joke to me- “how many hills you dying on today?” because she knows how heavily I take on the suffering of others- even those whom I don’t know- maybe especially those I don’t know !?!?

While I think it’s hilarious and so accurate of a comment- I have started to be mindful of how much I take on of others- and try to remind myself “not my monkey not my circus” when I begin to internalize suffering that wasn’t mine to have.

A Culture Obsessed with Tragedy and the Comeback

I think that our culture has always been fascinated by tragedy and a good comeback story.

It’s almost like we want to watch someone rise- to only fall- to then rise again and so be it- the cycle of human suffering.

Think about those of the likes of Tiger Woods, Jessica Simpson, Paris Hilton, Britney Spears ETC- we build them up, to drag them down to watch them comeback- and the viscous cycle continues.

I think the reason for this is because on some level we have all faced suffering- so I guess it’s really what binds us all together- that universal and human experience that comes with suffering and pain.

I think now more than ever as well- although it’s devastating- the Global Pandemic is truly something we have all experienced on some level and have all suffered through.

What I think is happening right now and this past year would be this idea of universal energy- and for us empaths, even if were not walking into a room- we are able to pick up on universal energy- and right now that energy comes along with a lot of universal suffering- and it can become very difficult to decipher between your own pain and suffering, and that of others.

Suffering Times Two

I will never forget laying in bed with my mom when she received a call from aunt telling us to “turn on the tv- Princess Diana has been seriously injured in a car crash.”

I mean I couldn’t have been more then like 7 years old and that was when my obsession with Princess Diana began – and I know that the world is still obsessed (as am I)  because of how human her suffering felt- she was vulnerable and did not try to hid that.

  Now- some 20 years later we are almost reliving the same emotions (especially for us empaths) pertaining to Meghan Markel and Prince Harry.

 

Not So Social Media

I have started to post on my Instagram in support of Harry and Meghan (especially post Oprah interview)-and have even exchanged in coming at “trolls” for being so rude and even implying that they are lying about  their mental health struggles.

See for us empaths- we see suffering, we can feel it and we want to help take it away- even when we don’t personally know the people, we feel the pain.

Aside from that- we become protective, because now this pain we have made it our own- so it feels so personal- this goes the same for politics as well but I won’t get into that on this post!

I would say that it’s both such a blessing, but also a curse- when we don’t know how to detach- or to care for ourselves as Empaths.

Side Note: To make it clear – I would die on every hill for Meghan and Harry (LOL) and one should never challenge anyone who openly asks for help or explains their mental health journey.

 

January 26^th, 2020

  I will self admittedly say that I have always kept up with the “NBA” and of course being from Philadelphia- with Kobe Bryant- and his family(mostly his wife- from time to time) because I loved the “opulence of the lifestyle they lived”- but now literally  I find myself often going to check in on her page.

Last January (2020) I was at my parent’s home-  dog-sitting while my parents were out in Los Angeles (ironically) the week before I was about to launch Mereygo-round when the world was shocked by the Kobe Bryant helicopter crash.

See for me- I didn’t see it as an NBA legend dying- instead I truly saw a father and his young daughter, being taken away from their beloved family- and the other members onboard- I thought of the painful and sudden loss each of their families were going to now feel and have to live with.  I couldn’t help but connect the burden of grief they will carry now with them their  entire lives- it felt so heavy and so real.

This was yet another example of that universal suffering, and how the energy around us truly impacts us- especially for us Empaths.

Anyways and for a lack of a better word-I BECAME OBSESSED, researching articles, watching tv interviews- and I kept sending them to all my friends and family and even when they said “enough this is just too sad- we have to shut it off, just stop looking at it!”

SHUT IT OFF to an Empath is like saying “just calm down” to an anxious person- it just doesn’t work!!!!!!

Remember this is personal now, I’ve taken it on as my own (or what feels to be.)

I simply couldn’t stop, and like so many others who I talked to that week or the weeks following- there just was an anxious, sick feeling you would get- feeling the weight of such an intense tragedy.-

I even went as far as when I learned that Vanessa was only 38 years old as saying “OMG she has to live half her life without the love of her life and her daughter now” and I felt that loss when I said it.

I remember asking my little brother when we were watching the Sixers (again I know I have become “obsessed”) – “how does one truly overcome that type of loss?”

He said to me “you don’t overcome it, you learn to live with it.”

I remember that I felt like that answer couldn’t be enough- I wanted more, but I knew he was right.

Why couldn’t I see it so black and white?

Why do I have to take this on or feel like I need to take on the pain of others?

Well as Glennon Doyle would say- “that is because your superpower is being an empath.”

Even though sometimes you may feel weak or sensitive- always know that being an Empath is a superpower!

 

Coping Mechanisms for Empaths

 

“I am learning not to feel responsible for the problems, issues, circumstances or behavior of others. I am learning that I can show empathy & understanding and listen with care &attention without feeling the need to fix things or make them right.”

 

 Raise Awareness

So much of our lives are spent re-learning what we have been conditioned to believe, or towards raising an emotional awareness to what patterns we have developed and how they work for us or how they work against us and learning how to cope or adapt to new ways of life.

With that- as an Empath of course it can be a superpower- but it’s also key to recognize how being an empath effects your life, especially when it’s for the negative, and you can do that by simply raising your emotional intelligence and awareness to how you perceive and take in the energy of others (especially when its negative energy or suffering!)

I always ask myself “is this my problem to be had? If not- then why am I taking on the pain from it?”

   As an Empath you want to take on the worlds problems and unfortunately sometimes that means you may attract those, who want to give you all their problems to take on as your own (hello narcissist’s) and this can lead to a lot of internal suffering for you and you will continue to repeat the patterns until you become aware of what you’re attracting and what you’re taking on as “your own.”

What I am saying is, we need each-other in this world to overcome our darkest of moments, but for empaths it’s good to practice being a “detached empath” and that would be simply- walking with someone in support of them but not taking on their suffering for them- and trusting that we are never given more then we can handle.

 

Maintaining Boundaries and Not Over-Committing

 Boundaries is probably the area of my life that I am most working on, and also the area that feels the most uncomfortable for me. I had written in length about maintaining boundaries the other week- specifically within friendships but something that I have really started to be mindful of is not “over-committing” and over -extending myself.

As empaths or even just by human nature and being people pleasers- often we really want to be able to give ourselves fully and completely to those we love- but sometimes I have to ask

“At what cost?”

“Is it at the cost of my own mental health, physical health and essentially at my expense?”

It’s that example I always come back to when you’re on an airplane- you must put your oxygen mask on first- before you can help others or else your both in a sinking ship (or plane for that matter)

For me specifically- as someone who is chronically ill with Lupus- I am able to see (maybe faster than others) what stress and taking on others problems can do to a body.

With that I have started to relearn and to raise awareness to not just my empathetic side (we should all be empathetic) but more so to how I internalize it and how it weighs on my energy.

Learning to maintain boundaries- and by realizing I cannot commit to everything and most importantly- I won’t have to feel like I’m letting people down when I have to cancel because I overcommitted and took on too much- and for that matter to much of what isn’t mine to be had.

Sigh its exhausting- but it’s also a SuperPower!

Long story short- set boundaries- clear ones and don’t overcommit- know your limits and protect yourself emotionally and physically.

Detached Empathy

Yes, yes I know this word seems like such an oxymoron and it actually came up during one of my peer coaching sessions for my life coach academy when I was being coached.

Essentially, no one is given “burdens” in life that are more than they can handle- even the cruelest of fates (any of the above people mentioned for example!)

As a detached empath, yes you can absolutely walk along their side, with empathy for whoever it is that is suffering but it’s also good to take a step back and to realize that by trying to take on the burden and pain of others, you may also be implying that they cannot handle it on their own- in which they can.

By remembering this, we can help ourselves to take a step back but still also provide support- and therefore exhibiting “Detached Empathy.”

“It is not more than you can handle. It is merely more than you thought you could do.” – Laura Breckenridge

Social Media Intake

As a blogger and as someone who spreads the word of their brand through my social media I know that this may seem hypocritical but hear me out.

I really love social media and believe that there are amazing elements and those include

1. Being able to share our experiences in the hopes of inspiring others or helping them to feel not so alone.
2. Allowing us to keep in touch with friends and family alike from all over.
3. Opens up important conversations.
4. Raising money and awareness for life causes (gofund me, etc)

With that- I also think that Social Media, especially this past year when not used in a way that is positive can become the worst place to be- so I would just challenge you to be aware of what exactly your following, and how its really making you feel.

For me I had to de-follow a ton of political sites (even ones in favor of my beliefs) because it became too much. Too much blaming, to much suffering- to much lack of empathy and humanity- no place to exist.

It’s the same as having to de-follow an ASPCA page because something about the cruelness of abused animals- can ruin my entire month.

I am re-learning and re navigating my relationship with social media and I challenge you all to do the same- especially to my empaths!

There is so much good in the world, but there is also so much suffering, and sometimes for us empaths we want to take that on for ourselves, when it’s not our hill to die on- and Social Media can amplify all of these emotions by being constantly in your face.

  I challenge you all to walk with those suffering, metaphorically speaking- to hoist their back up as they hold their pain- without actually consuming and holding the pain yourself. 

 And to all my Empaths- own your superpower proudly!!!!!

 

“Detachment is not the absence of emotion, it is the process of becoming one with the oneness that is the Universe. To be detached is to realize that the fullness of all there is too much to react to with just one emotion, one thought or any bias. To be detached, is to acknowledge all, without owning any of it. To be detached, is to summon forth the whole entirety of understanding, to the fragment that is the void.” – Empath Lightworker Creation

 

Vibes
Xo,