“Good Vibes Only”, “2021 Let’s Bring It”, “It Will All Be Okay” “Just Be Positive.”

The definition of the coined phrase Good Vibes Only, has been a vital foundation to the way in which I live my life, but often I think this phrase and the lifestyle it hints at – can be misinterpreted and can leave us with negative feelings, therefore I want to discuss it further to clear any misconceptions up! 

 

The Year of 2020

2020 had been a year of MASSIVE change to the very essence of life as we know it and regardless of whether you are someone who has genuinely enjoyed the slowed down pace of life (and don’t be ashamed of that, at times I really have!)or whether you have really been struggling with isolation, this year hasn’t been easy for anyone, and I find some sort of solace in knowing that we are never alone, rather isolated together(but physically apart.)

Often I lose sight of how much has changed in such a short time, and often I am way too hard on myself when dealing with my shortcomings such as lack of motivation/production or anxiety- ANYONE ELSE!?!? #brainfog

I think most of us, are WAY to hard on ourselves, and  it’s only until we realize- that although we are dealing with our entire livelihood as we knew it being turned upside down, we are still expected to show up, and maintain normalcy in our daily lives, despite living through a global pandemic, where nothing really resembles the “normalcy” of our former lives.

I mean think about it, most of us might in fact be “grieving” for the old lives we have left behind, compiled by the fear of the unknown which is amplifying anxiety, and also many suffering with depression.

With that I want to explain that it’s “normal” to wake up one day feeling like everything will be okay, then too suddenly be pulled into a massive dark moment, or a dark period of time.

If you are feeling debilitating anxiety, or suffering from depression and grief, please know that you are not alone, and that you are dealing with rediscovering an entirely new way of EXISTENCE.

Please know, that all feelings and emotions are valid, and that there is no script for how you should feel day to day, especially while living through a Global Pandemic.

 

Toxic Positivity

“The Overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.”

 

 I have heard this term come up so much recently, that I felt compelled to speak on it. As someone who has started to build a brand around the motto, “Good Vibes Only” I feel responsible with the messaging behind what this truly means to me.

Like anything, and with the age of technology and the internet, we are being blasted with messages via social media, whether we are aware or not.

 With that often we can run into those people who seem to have “the perfect life” or those who seem to never have “a bad day” or simply those who continue to tell us, “Good Vibes Only” even when some of us(or most) are going through “hell.”

 The idea of “Good Vibes Only” for me is not the idea that you should never have a bad thought, or a bad day or bad period of time, it’s more so about learning the power of being aware of your energy and working to raise your emotional intelligence/awareness in order to see the situations and people that bring positive energy to your life (lift you up) verse the circumstances that leave you with negative energy which depletes you.

 So I guess I like to think of the coined term “Good Vibes Only” more so as “Good Vibes” which simply means that you are raising your awareness to how you feel when you are around certain people or how you feel when you are in certain situations.

It’s the idea that if you are not aware of how the energy around you is impacting you or if you are constantly looking to the negative in life(victim) or being at the “effect of life”, instead of leaving room to see the opportunities or lessons to be learned in all experiences, you are instead blinded by the negative energy plaguing you and then you become at the “cause of life” meaning everything is happening to you- as opposed to for you. 

Side Note: Coaches help their clients to become more consciously aware of their emotional intelligence and also help them to raise their energy in order to get from where they currently are to where they want to be! I will go into all about what coaching exactly is in another blog! 

 

 

The Golden Age 

“We are so wrapped up in a world of staying positive” that we are ashamed to actually feel anything else.”

 So as you may have realized by now, when the clock turned to midnight on January 1^st, 2021, that didn’t erase or change what we are dealing with and it certainly didn’t suddenly make us only feel “Good Vibes” or to make us into the perfect image of positivity.

 While the intent of this messaging is good, it’s also providing us false hope, and providing the expectation that no matter the baggage you have- “we can leave it all behind in 2020” and simply that’s not true.

THIS false reality or Toxic Positivity of not acknowledging what we are going through or pretending that the key to not feeling bad is all about “Good vibes only” or “being positive all the time”, is causing many to feel emotional distress.

 We cannot be expected to leave everything we experienced in 2020 behind, as all our experiences on earth, shape our unique perspective, and provide us with valuable life lessons through which we shape our future decisions.

 So- if you have been feeling anxious or alone about the messaging of the new year and “The Roaring 20’s” bringing a clean slate as of January 1^st, 2021- don’t worry this is false toxic positivity and as we have seen- this is certainly not the case!

 You are exactly where you need to be- trust in that, and know you are not alone and all feelings are valid and that its’ not natural to always feel positive.

 

 

Owning Your Bad Days

 Let me first and foremost say, that I encourage you all to own your “bad days” and to take the lesson you are being taught from each experience in life, both positive and negative or the famous saying “If it didn’t show you what you wanted, it taught you what you didn’t want” kind of vibe here.

 For me Good Vibes Only isn’t about rainbows and unicorns shooting out your eyeballs or never having a bad day and being in a good mood all the time(this is serial killer energy lol – no one can always be “on”.)Instead, for me I see it as a way to raise my awareness of the energy around me- and to consciously chose the people and the situations that bring me the most positive energy, and to move away from anything that serves me negative energy. 

For me- Good Vibes Only, is about trying to take an approach of seeing the silver lining, or taking the lesson from hard experiences, and working to grow from them instead of letting them define me for the worst, or instead of being the victim or at “the effect of life”(happening to me) as opposed to being at “the cause of life-” where every opportunity is happening FOR YOU.

Simply put- instead of approaching a situation as “OMG I can’t believe this is happening to me” I instead try to shift to the mindset of “This is happening FOR ME!” Once you can master this practice, that’s where the real magic comes in, simply by just opening your eyes through the lens of a different perspective! 

 

Full Disclosure

 I had a massive panic attack the other week that left me really shaken and in which I am still shaken up even though today I feel almost relatively “anxiety free”- which is something I will never understand but a perfect description of what we are dealing with day to day now more than ever.

 Lot of emotions, up and down and even just when we think we have it all figured out BAM – curveball! 

Since we cannot control anything in life, except for our reactions to situations, I challenge you to try to take things one day at a time.

Stay present and just be the best possible version of YOU that you can be that day, given all the circumstances surrounding it.

 We are not perfect, nor never should we strive to be.

Just try your best.

 

 An Attitude of Gratitude?

 “Constant Positivity is a form of avoidance. It’s ok to have negative emotions. “

  There is no coincidence that during the rise of social media, we are also seeing a massive increase in number of diagnosed anxiety and depression cases as well, because well we are constantly comparing ourselves to others- and measuring our success against what we are PERCEIVING other’s lives to be.

I will say, that I hit the de-follow or mute button really quickly, when I start to notice myself comparing myself to someone else, and if they are lowering my energy or making me believe that I am not doing enough with my days, that just has no place for me or my self- growth journey.

Side note: I am not saying to mute or de follow anyone and everyone who has a different view then you, and I am all for discussing differing opinions, but I don’t necessarily think that those type of conversations are best suited on a public social media forum, and often it can lead to more harm than good ( I would know I’ve done it LOL, trust me.)

 So let me clarify- there truly is something to be said about raising your energy and there is also something about maintaining  a relatively “positive outlook or mindset” but “Good Vibes Only” is absolutely not manageable- so perhaps we should change it to “Good Vibes When You Can?!?!”

This is YOUR LIFE, you control the narrative of who gets to be in it or not.

#goodvibes but #notonly

Validation and Acknowledgement

“Suffering is Universal; How we react to suffering is individual”- Robert Hales

 

Okay- so we are living in a world that can often promote the idea of “Toxic Positivity”, which simply just means that we are telling one another, that the answer to most of your problems will be solved through simply “thinking positively” and we have learned that this is not always manageable.

Okay- so how can we support one another, especially now more than ever when there is so much pain and suffering in our world?

 Validate and Acknowledge one another’s feelings.

 I will say, that hands down the most useful communication skill you can utilize is simply by allowing others to “vent” to you (without interrupting), and to let them know that whatever they are feeling- about a certain experience, or a certain situation- that those feelings whatever they are- they are valid.

 Often so many of us feel shame or guilt for the way we feel and try to compare it to how someone else may have handled a situation- when that is irrelevant because two people cannot be compared as we all have had our own unique experiences which influence our perspectives and determine how we handle situations. 

To validate that one has every right to feel the way they do, helps them to be able to release the shame and guilt in order to move forward and to heal. 

You can then acknowledge, that no wonder they must be feeling so down- that their pain is real and that is more than okay!

One last tip, that I highly encourage that we try to normalize as well is that when someone is venting to you, try not to relate the story back to you- this is their time to speak- be a good listener, it means more then you will ever know to someone, to just feel heard!

 Hands down, this is simply the best way I can think of in which we all can use to support one another now more than ever, in helping each other not feel so alone in our pain.  

 We all have such unique experiences that have shaped our perspectives of the world, and also has shaped how we see and interact with the world and everything that has happened to us up until now will formulate how we feel and how we react in  life’s situations therefore its simply immeasurable to compare you to another.

 Be with what is now, and know your feelings are valid always.

 

And End Scene

  No matter how alone we may feel, there is universal suffering occurring across the world and no matter how isolated we feel, we are never alone.

Be mindful of your social media intake and don’t be afraid to mute those who leave you feeling bad. Own your feelings and do not compare your experiences to others.Your feelings are valid, no one’s life is perfect. It’s normal to have bad day(s)/weeks/months!

And with that, realize that now more than ever its normal to be struggling and whether you’re having a bad day, a bad week, a bad month or a bad year- give yourself and others a freaking break- it’s a Global Pandemic after all!

I am here with you all on this crazy journey, and will continue to share any and all insights as I have them!!!! Love to hear from you all as well!

 

“When we listen, we hear someone into existence.”
― Laurie Buchanan, PhD

 

 

Vibes
Xo,