What Are We So Afraid Of?

“People are sometimes more willing to accept the pain they know than to face the fear of things they don’t”- Bruce Schneider

 

The more and more I get into my Life Coach Program, and through years of self work on myself- the more I hear the term “fear” used almost interchangeably with anxiety.

 What I then realized, and this one crushes me to the CORE, but everything that has ever held me back in life- is based on FEAR.

How can this be?!? I’ve always been labeled as this outgoing, confident, so sure of herself girl. I mean this when I say, that since I was a little girl I always knew the direction I wanted to go in life, I always knew I wanted to help people and to use my voice in doing SO – but it took me so long to figure out what was really holding me back.

 So yes- I am all of those things above- outgoing, confident, sure of herself, and knows what I want to do- yet I am still holding myself back sometimes, and I have this mask- and that mask is fear.

Gosh- when I came to the realization that I was a “fearful” person I was ANGRY.

 I have found that often when we confront our truth about the “facades” we have put up we then become angry, because we realize how much they have held us back in life.

 I was doing a “role play” session during one of my life coach trainings, and I remember we came to the conclusion that when discussing a particular problem I have been having lately- that the end result came to being fear based.

  I remember the coach asking me “Would you say this is based on fear” or “that you are a fearful person”?

OMG my face went red and I started fighting back, #defense full effect, I wasn’t ready to accept that I was fearful- and once I did my life started changing for the better.

 So many of us we want to blame outside things such as a dysfunctional childhood, or a shitty job, a shitty relationship, family issues, “the world isn’t fair” – for the reason that life isn’t the way we want it to be, but I instead challenge you to look deep and to recognize that Fear is actually what is stopping most of us and not our childhood, or our early adulthood, a shitty job, a shitty relationship or family issues. 

 

What’s Meant to Be For You Will Always Be

  A Philosophy that I always try to recenter myself with when I am feeling extra “fearful” is that there is already a purpose for each and every one of us on this earth, and those purposes all differ but ONLY WE are made to live our PURPOSE, and if we don’t we truly rob the world of the gifts that only we have to give.

 This philosophy seems so simple, but truly it’s a founding principle for living a life free or “away from fear” knowing that what’s meant to be for you has already been written and that you cannot do anything that will ever prevent you from accomplishing this, because its YOUR PURPOSE.

 If you are led away from something, then it wasn’t meant to be for you- trust that and look for the lesson learned or the opportunity it is trying to show you.

  A way to better understand this concept-( at least for me) came from Marie Forleo book “Everything is Figureoutable.” The way she described this concept as each of us having a unique purpose, really clicked for me so i wanted to share! 

 Think about when you were younger, and your parents try to tell you good, sound advice- but because their your parents often you overlooked it(maybe you still do). So think of that exact advice your parents tried to tell you- maybe it was “kindness matters” or “always stay true to yourself” imagine that your best friend then says the same thing- and because it came from someone your own age, or maybe even because of simply how they said it- you needed only THEM to convey the message to you.

That’s the same thing about life, we need each and every one of our voices living our purpose because we never know who and when we are inspiring others.

So -the way I see it is that, because Only WE can LIVE OUR PURPOSE- how could there possibly be any outside circumstances that prevent you from living fully in YOUR PURPOSE- besides the fear to even start?

 YEP!! You know I’m right.

Okay, I know this sounds easier said than done- like anything worthwhile in life!!! I mean truly as I write this I want to tell you that I made a pack with myself to schedule a few “ mock coaching calls” and I am terrified- but I overcame the fear of even just “the ask” showing me that the only thing stopping me was THE FEAR. 

 It feels good to overcome fear and make your way into fulfillment. Often we sit with anxiety and fear, because although they are uncomfortable, they are familiar and provide us with a false sense of comfort and control.

 

What Is Coaching? 

  Coaching by definition: “Partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential. Focusing on where the client is right now in their lives and working on solutions to get them where they want to be.”

  Okay so that’s the textbook definition, but to make it my own I always think of a response Meghan Markel said when asked if she feels that she is  “helping women across the world to find their voices through her work” to which she responded(something along these lines) , “Women don’t need to find their voice, they need to be empowered to use it, they have their voice deep there.” 

 Now, coaching goes for anyone, not just women- this was JUST AN EXAMPLE of what coaching exactly is. We all deep down have the answers to our struggles in life, but often fear gets in the way of tapping into that voice. With the help of a coach you begin to tap into your own empowerment and start to shift into this enlightenment- and now you have the courage to live out your truth of who you are meant to be, not who the world has tried to conditioned you to be.

 One last example would be, think about a bad relationship you may have been in, or a job you had that everyone around you knew was wrong FOR YOU but you couldn’t get there yet.For this example let’s say your parents don’t like your boyfriend/girlfriend and let’s say they have voiced this concern to you. 

 Although your parents voiced their opinion to you, and even if deep down you know it to be true- often we will not listen until we learn for ourselves that this path is wrong, or that we feel like we came to the conclusion on our own through our own empowerment. This is when the true magic happens. 

 That is when real growth happens- when you come to conclusions about your life for YOU, not for others- THIS IS WHAT COACHING IS, empowering the clients to find the answers within!

Parents- WE LOVE YOU and you are just helping and I am sure it’s heartbreaking to know when your child is going down the wrong path, but all paths lead to our destinations, therefore we must all take the lessons learned. 

The empowerment comes from within us, we have all the answers we will ever need.

 

Childhood Conditioning

“It’s So Funny how so much of “finding yourself” in adulthood is simply getting back to who you were and what you loved as a child”- The Higher Self

 

This quote SPOKE TO ME. I mean really think about it- kids are fearless. They ask questions when they don’t understand why something is done a certain way (we should do this more as adults.)

They express when they are happy or sad. They speak the truth and tell you what they want and don’t want in life (we should also do this.) They follow their passions. (sure it may be playing dress up but they do what they love!)

I mean my childhood passion was filming a sitcom called “Change of Hearts” so I always knew I loved the camera lol.

Let your children express their passions and to ask questions (it’s how we discover what we want and don’t want in life.)

Lastly, let’s normalize not having societal ‘norms” for timelines or whats expected of us, and let’s normalize allowing people to not be conditioned rather to find the joy in whatever it is that makes them happy. 

 

 

Adulthood

The Coolest Part for me- about being an adult is that I get to decide exactly who I want to be, and what I want to believe in and that in itself is empowering- but also FEARFUL.

When we are younger, typically we are raised with certain religious and political views- typically we take on what our families believe as we don’t know better (not saying it’s right or wrong but I do believe we should decide on this on our own not by what others are doing.)

We also start to learn “the rights and wrongs of society” and we are taught “gender roles” and along the way many people- tell us  not only what they think we should be but when and how they think we should #exhausting. 

For example: I would be a retired wealthy woman by now if I had a nickel for every time I was told “you’re so outgoing you would be great in sales.”

We start to conform into this conditioned world of “black and white” “right and wrong” which can dull creativity. We are taught you must work to provide (which is true for 99% of us) but what’s worse is that we don’t normalize that “you should leave a job that is toxic or not right for you” or that “The work you do should have meaning and passion for you.” 

Our society is obsessed with production and burning the candle at both ends. We almost teach everyone that rest is for the weak. Fear is behind everything we’ve ever been conditioned to believe- and it’s time we start learning to think and decide for ourselves, how we want the world to be- after all its OUR LIFE.

 “I am done letting fear and the world decide for me- who they think I should be. I am living and deciding for me. All the answers I will ever need I already have. Fear is the only thing in my way. “

 

End Scene

 

“What would you do if you were absolutely unafraid that something negative might result?” – Bruce Schneider

 

Think about that and think about it long and hard.

Who would you be if you could guarantee nothing negative would come of it?

What might you do?

Who would you surround yourself with?

 We have ONE life and it’s very SHORT.

Do not let fear rob you from the beautiful life you are meant to live, and please share your gifts with the world- we so need them ALL OF THEM.

 

Key Take-Aways

• Challenge beliefs you are being told
• Follow your passions
• Stand up for what you believe In
• Be YOU, and ONLY YOU
• Don’t let others tell you who you should be
• If It doesn’t feel right, trust that
• The answers are always within us
• Fear is the only thing holding us back

 

“There is no Illusion Greater Than Fear.”

 

 

Vibes
Xo,