“Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength.” – Athena Singh  

 ONE FREAKIN’ YEAR!!!!!!!

   At points I cannot believe that it has already been ONE YEAR since I launched my blog  Mereygo-round while at the same time, I cannot even imagine my life without it!!

 Funny how that works right? When you find “the right thing” how you can’t imagine it never not in your life, It’s almost like what have you been doing your whole life without it!?!? Your purpose so to speak.

 While it’s amazing to take a chance, and even more amazing when the chance  turns out the way we expected it too but it also makes you wish you took the chance sooner!

 This crazy journey this past year, has taught me SO many things about how I used to view the world, and how I now view it.

Truly the harshest reality I had to come to terms with was “Fear”- and how much of it I had (I still do) but more so how much FEAR was always standing in the way between me and whatever it was that I wanted.

Often when we want something, we will start going through the process of Pro’s Vs. Cons or for us anxious minds- we will run through every scenario of what possibly could go wrong and how we will handle each of those “bad situations” (its exhausting, we know lol.)

Anyways as someone who was always told they were “fearless” or “confident” I started to come to very harsh realizations surrounding my newly discovered “fear.”

What I started to realize was that I had a lot of EXCUSES that were masked as fear. Whether they were situational (ex: I am not qualified for this job )or physical (my stomach hurts when I think about that (ok that’s nerves honey!) Whatever it may be- all of these “objectives” and “excuses” I had convinced myself over and over that they were true.

I was convincing myself, that I had to conform into a life that society expected of me.

I mean in the beginning of my twenties I was in a serious, long term relationship where we were playing house. I worked for a fortune 500 company I started investing in a 401k and in stocks, and by all terms I was “playing by the book.”

Well guess what else I was?

FUCKING MISERABLE or in the words of Glennon Doyle from Untamed “I am a goddamn caged cheetah” needing to be released from the life I thought that was expected, and to move through fear to get to the other side of my dreams.

Moving Through Fear: February 5^th, 2020

  I was about 7 days out from launching Mereygo-round, when I had the opportunity to meet my idol Jessica Simpson, at her “Open Book” book tour.

I was a nervous wreck the month leading up to launching my blog. I am not sure if I have ever said this out loud- but literally I was about to scrap it all, I really just didn’t feel ready and that fear was convincing me that it was the wrong choice.

I started to ask myself a series of questions and to my dismay- I realized that this wasn’t my gut intuition it was simply my nerves, and I knew I owed it to myself to do this.

Anyways- at the Jessica Simpson book signing- when Jessica took to stage- something unique she discussed was all about fear. I know I am obsessed with her already but there was something about what she said that in that moment I knew that I to had to walk through fear- to get to the other side.

Jessica explained that she had been working on this book as a way of therapy for herself to confront demons- but most importantly she wanted to inspire others to move through fear- to show them that the other side is oh so rewarding.

To my queen Jessica Simpson- thank you for that moment, I decided not to back down.

#Freefromfear (or at least free from fear deciding my next moves.)

#FreefromFear

I truly cannot believe all of the fear and doubts I had leading up to the launch, and honestly it almost didn’t happen because of those “voices” in my head. But what I found out was those “voices” were simply just voices.

They have no power over me, they are a false narrative’s that are hidden behind fear, judgements, assumptions and past experiences.

Those agonizing voices included, but absolutely are not limited to the following;

“Do people even care what you have to say?”

“What Will You Write about?”

“Are you even a good writer?”

“The blog market is saturated”

“What’s Your Niche?”

“You need a “real job!”

“What Will people think?”

“Why can’t you just get married and be a wife?”

“Your supposed to have children.”

“Stay on the path taken.”

“What if you fail.”

ETC, ETC, ETC.

Okay, let’s get started!!!!!!

Who Cares What Others Think

 “Your circle should want you to win. Your circle should clap the loudest when you have good news. If they don’t, get a new circle.”

  Okay, Okay– I really care what other people think and I will completely own that and explain that I think it’s something across the board as humans that we share- the desire to be liked because we care what others think.

The desire to be liked is human and natural and that is okay. The only reason I bring it up is because often this desire becomes so powerful and so consuming- that we continue to make life choices- and I mean BIG LIFE CHOICES- based solely on whether or not others will approve.

  I mean case in point the rise of social media.” We put out the image that we think the world wants to see of us – and we continue to try to be like the image we think others either perceives us as or what we think the worlds wants us to be. In turn by conforming to this said “vision” we are moving further and further away from our own uniqueness.”

We have become more obsessed with the need to FIT IN or to be liked that we are willing to forgo the very essence of what makes us unique on this earth- and that is your PURPOSE.

See each of us, we have a unique purpose for why we are here. Literally ONLY WE can fulfill this purpose, and if we do not go after what we want in life and live out our purpose- we will rob the world of the gifts that only WE HAVE.

  I promise you YOUR gifts are that unique, that specific and that individual- to quite literally only YOU!

More often than not, this is due to fear or letting the thoughts/opinions of others influence our decisions.

 Cliff Note Here: Those who truly LOVE YOU, they will never judge you and they will always support YOU. Anyone standing in the way of you becoming more YOU they are not serving you, and they do not belong with you on this journey.

(Side note: expressing concern is a bit different as long as it always comes from a place of supporting you no matter what and supporting that you know what is best for you!)

And last but not least on this topic, if you continue to notice that someone is overly critical of you, not supportive and is constantly questioning your decisions- realize that is their own “shit to shovel” and 99.9% of the time they are projecting their own fears onto you as they are to afraid to take a chance on themselves and to go after whatever it is that they want!

Take a chance on you anyways- you will never be disappointed!!

If it didn’t pan out the way you planned(and usually it doesn’t)- take the lesson anyways and keep moving through that fear my friends!

It is not our job to make others happy, that is an inside job- and you will never be able to please everyone, so truly you should shift that focus on making yourself happy!!

 

 It is not your responsibility to make others happy

  I hope that I can find the “perfect” wording here- because honestly through my own active daily work on myself (lifestyle adjustments, being coached, coaching and through therapy for my anxiety) I have started to have some major “AH- HA” moments.

I will say that it’s the most powerful to have these realizations on your own- but I will share!

I think as humans its natural for us and we have been taught/conditioned (especially as females) to want to make others happy and often it’s at the expense of our own happiness. It’s basically putting the needs of those we love- above our own needs.

I feel as though I need to first preference this by saying, as humans we need each-other and I think this past year has shown us that to the core. #BetterTogether

What however we are missing is that- happiness is in an inside job, no one should have that responsibility and no one can resolve that except FOR YOU.

Ah-HA Moment

  Okay so bringing it back here- as I mentioned   I have recently had the most PROFOUND “ah-hah” moments in my life in terms of realizing how much stress, anxiety and worry were stemming from seeking outward approval, or seeking to make others happy instead of focusing inward.

What I mean simply?

We are a society that has been taught to always do for others, and that the true joy comes from giving.

While sure yes it’s great to be a generous person, and giving does provide a sense of gratitude, often what happens is that our desire to please others or this need to make others happy or to feel loved, leads to us neglecting and isolating our own basic needs.

 DO NOT LEAVE THIS JOB TO ANYONE ELSE, and DO NOT ROB ANYONE OF THEIR OWN JOURNEY TO HAPPINESS!

 I mean truly until recently, I couldn’t really understand why I was having so much anxiety and stress until I really internalized what this means.

I realized over the course of this past year (especially during the pandemic) I was focusing way too much on trying to control others around me- and making decisions that were always influenced by trying to appease others- making myself MISERABLE.

At what cost are you willing to suffer?

I sure as hell hope not at the cost of your own peace and happiness.

Sometimes by doing what is best for you, you will leave others disappointed- and that’s okay.

Trust that ONLY YOU know what is truly best for YOU, after all you are the expert on YOUR OWN LIFE!

And lastly- in case you forget;

“Happiness is an inside job, never leave it up to anyone else, they will fail, and it will cost you.”

Not Your Peacemaker

Stemming off the lesson above of (we cannot make others happy) something that I have noticed is that often my “abrasive” personality can rub some people the wrong way and hey I get it!

What I started to notice though was that- at points I started to “tone down” who I was or not say what I felt to “keep the peace” because I felt like some individuals around me in my life have always wanted that from me- maybe because that’s how they cope?

It doesn’t matter the reason, I started to realize that by “toning it down” or by not saying what I felt and opening conversations “to keep the peace” I was losing who I was inside, and becoming a more anxious, insecure and overall unhappy person.

So yes, I am not your peacemaker- I am abrasive, I say what is on my mind and If I have a problem with someone I am going to confront that.

Also this is an excellent place to start setting boundaries!

#notyourpeacemaker #notatthecostofpeace

If It Doesn’t Feel Right, Trust Your Gut.

 You know as a little kid you can think back to when you were nervous about a sports game or a recital how you would complain to your parents that “your stomach hurt” to only later realize this was nerves?

The same thing happens in adulthood, we get a sense or we get a weird feeling when something is/or isn’t for us.

Often we allow those voices in our head, to either suppress or to not listen to our gut intuition. What I have in turn realized is that- deep down I have all the answers I will ever need- by simply looking inward, I can accomplish so much outward- but that includes not just listening to myself, but also TRUSTING that I know what’s best for me.

Speaking from experience, I think that we think something is a “failure” if it doesn’t go the way we planned, but in fact everything we do in life is preparing us for the next step- so if something didn’t turn out the way you wanted by taking a chance, don’t lose trust in yourself and continue to trust your gut- you know what is best.

I also started to realize that as humans often we develop “second guessing or doubting ourselves” as a habit even more so than “trusting our intuition.” It almost feels more natural to resist something that feels “unknown” instead of trusting that we will find our path along the way.

For me I have learned to trust that- I need to go with my gut (so to speak) and hey if the opportunity didn’t lead me to the road I wanted It at least taught me a lesson– ALWAYS TAKE THE LESSON– they are everywhere.

 

All Roads Lead Us Home

Okay I know that this will sound really confusing- but essentially You cannot really make a mistake in life that will lead you away from your destiny or “finding home.”

All roads, every opportunity taken, every experience you have had- the good and the bad all of those have uniquely shaped who you are- your perception of the world and where you are going next!

So if you look back and “wish it was different” or have shame of “taking the wrong path” know that you are exactly where you need to be right now- just as you are living just as you are!

 I am not bullshitting- I really F*CKING MEAN IT – YOU ARE EXACTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO BE- SO JUST KEEP GOING.

Okay so now really believe it- I swear the true magic comes when you start understanding that everything in life isn’t “happening to you” instead “its happening for you.”

All roads, they led to home, trust yourself!!!

Without the one “detour” or without the one “growing opportunity” we wouldn’t be who we are today.

Here’s to the Journey

This past year has taught me the power of dreaming beyond your wildest dreams!

It taught me- that there is nothing that we cannot accomplish on earth, when we no longer allow fear to stand in the way.

That feeling of something being in the way- that feeling is “YOUR FEAR.”

The only thing standing in between you and the end goal is simply YOU.

Owe it to yourself to give yourself a chance to at least try.

Please and I mean it- we are all put here for our own unique purpose- do not rob the world of the gifts only you have!!!!!

Here’s to 2021- live a life beyond your wildest dreams.

#overcomingfear

And with that I will leave you with a quote from one of my childhood favorite authors good old Judy Blume (:

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.”
–Judy Blume

 

Vibes
Xo,