Projections, Rejections and Haters, OH MY! Part One

In all of my posts, I try to capture the exact way I’m feeling at that moment in time, whether I was influenced by a conversation, a connection based on a social media post, or any other relevant life experiences I think might be helpful to write about.

I feel as though these three topics relate to ALMOST EVERYONE, and tie into a lot of what I cover throughout my blog.

**Disclaimer** When I originally wrote this post, I wanted to cover all three topics in one post, but long story SHORT, it became far too LONG. I feared you wouldn’t be able to capture the lessons unless it was broken up. At least if I was reading, that’s how I would feel.

Okay, here we go…

Let’s chat HATERS.

While my motto, and hopefully future SEASON ONE Housewives tagline is “Gossip doesn’t bother me, it means your life’s worth talking about,” stands true for the most part, I wouldn’t be a human if HATER’s didn’t bother me.

One of life’s painful truths is that unfortunately, no matter how much you try, NOT EVERYONE WILL LIKE YOU.

Some other truths…

• If you’re liked by most, you’re playing it far too safe
• If everyone thought the same way, LIFE WOULD BE BORING
• It’s better to be hated for who you are than liked for who you are pretending to be

Cue Kyle Richards to Camille Grammer… “This isn’t who you are Camille, this is who you are pretending to be.” (Real Housewives Beverly Hills)

Just like any good 2000’s rap song, “Let your haters be your motivators,” is the kind of vibe we want to have when dealing with HATERS.

As someone who is a WANNABE INFLUENCER/BLOGGER, I make it a point to constantly put myself out there, and with that, there are opinions, both good and bad. I’ve chosen to adopt the mentality of “If you’re not being talked about, you’re not doing anything relevant”, or “Gossip doesn’t bother me, it means your life’s worth talking about.”

However, I’m human, and words will always hurt. I would be inhumane if I said otherwise, and also LYING. One of the most important things I’ve learned is that WHAT OTHERS SAY ABOUT YOU IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

In other words…
What others say about you really has nothing to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with them. If you can truly wrap your head around this concept, you’ll be able to slowly start to brush off any mean-spirited or hateful gossip you hear about yourself. You’ll also be able to understand and empathize when others lash out on you for no apparent reason. You’ll have a greater ability to always remember that hate spews from hurt people. 
Hurt People, Hurt People. (Read that again)

Let’s talk PROJECTIONS.

I challenge you to think back to a not so “Good Vibes” time in your life when you knew you weren’t feeling like your best self. Everyone goes through good and bad times; I just read a great quote about this.

“If it was sunny all the time, it would be a desert.”

We need RAIN, people! It makes you appreciate the GOOD AND THE BAD, and you can’t have rainbows without it. (sappy much?)

**Or better yet, there is actually nothing better than waking up hungover on a Sunday to a rainstorm, but that’s a convo for another time. **

Okay, let’s continue thinking of a “Bad Vibes Time.” I know we’re usually  focused on Good Vibes Only, but let’s make a point here. During your Bad Vibes Time think:

• Did you find yourself talking negatively about people more than you usually would?
• Were you actively looking for reasons to hate on someone?
• Could the person at that time honestly do nothing right in your mind?
• Did the person have something you wished you had? (i.e.,  happiness, romantic partner, job, etc.)

I’m pretty sure that if your being 100% Honest and Authentic with yourself, you can agree that during times of “Bad Vibes,” you will notice that people “annoy” you more than usual, or their “faults” are much more prevalent to you. In return, you go down the slippery spiral of talking about them badly when in reality, it’s most likely a PROJECTION of the negative energy you feel about yourself at that time.

ARE ANYONE’S EARS RINGING?
They SHOULD BE…

The reason I can say this, is because I HAVE BEEN THERE, and I know this holds true for me.

Now that we have a better understanding on projections, it may make it easier to recognize and empathize, and to also try to stop yourself from doing the same. As we have already confirmed, PROJECTIONS are feelings of NEGATIVITY that you feel within yourself that you’re not fully dealing with, which result in you PROJECTING NEGATIVITY onto others.

Think…
“If you don’t heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.”

TIPS, TRICKS, and GOOD VIBES (ONLY):

Whenever I notice myself S*** talking more than usual, and being negative more than positive, I NOW challenge myself to see the ROOT of why I am behaving this way.

Stop and ask yourself:
Am I projecting on insecurities I have about MYSELF and instead of dealing with them, am I taking them out on others?

Example: When your best friend gets a new boyfriend and she’s in the whole honeymoon phase and they start hanging out 24/7 leaving you as the third wheel or even worse, NOT INCLUDED AT ALL.

The Old Merey would say…
He’s an evil troll who treats her badly and she can’t really be happy with him. She is just settling.

The New “Zen” Merey would say…
He must really enjoy my BEST FRIEND’S company as much as I do, so much so that he wants to spend as much time as I do with her. I’m lucky my bestie found her person.

SEE where I’m going with this?!

Moral of this run on sentence of a story is that when you’re PROJECTING about what other people are thinking or doing, before flying off the wall and harboring negative energy, first look inside and make sure everything is in check with your Good Vibes. And if your all GOOD then I guess it’s all their fault. ONLY KIDDING.

What I think is most important in life is to be self-aware, and to work on yourself each and every day. We’re all human, we all make mistakes. Recognize the difference between validated feelings towards someone, and in those cases try having a healthy and constructive ADULT conversation.

In cases of pure projection, I would suggest journaling to release feelings, or maybe writing a letter to yourself about why this person or thing is making you so mad.

**That always helps me to see something in the fine print. I mean obviously, I’m basically showing you my diary through MereyGo- Round**

Last but not least, practice empathy always. You truly don’t know what anyone is going through, and most times it has nothing to do with you, even if they try to convince you otherwise.

“One of the ways that people avoid taking responsibility for their role in their own pain is what I call the BPs- Blame and Projection.”
– Lyanla Vanzant

Stay tuned for Part Two…

Vibes,
XO