5 Personal Development Lessons Learned in Your Twenties
There’s Something In the Water
I am one of the more fortunate that my parents still live in my childhood home. Growing up in a small town, about 40 minutes outside of Philadelphia- in a little neighborhood named “Waterford” it was there that I met my four lifelong best friends, who are more like sisters, and our families, would all consider each other family.
So us Waterford girls, we are family so no matter how chaotic ones life becomes, and no matter how much time has passed, whenever it’s someone milestone moment, we all drop everything to be there.
About two weekends ago- this was no different, as it was one of our own- our Hollie’s 30th birthday! Hollie’s mom had asked us as a surprise to bring a pumpkin or a mum (barn themed party) and to write your favorite memory with Hollie on a card and to attach it.
This little surprise got me thinking all about life and memories tapping into nostalgia but also into “what I have I learned thus far” and “what else do I still need to learn” in my twenties.
**Disclaimer** Life work on yourself or life’s lessons never end, but this post is specific to the life lessons and growth I have experienced in my twenties.
While 30 is still SO young- as age Is JUST A NUMBER- there is something about turning a new decade which will definitely make you look back and reflect on your life thus far, I think even more so when you leave your twenties.
Personally for me I would say that the 20’s has been the decade of my life (still have one more year- weird brag lol!) that I have changed and grown the most as a person, and with that I want to take a look back on some of the important personal development life lessons I’ve learned thus far!
Roaring Twenties
I would argue that your twenties are the most divided of decades, meaning that when your in your 30’s, 40’s and up I feel as though the numbers just blend together- just like your old now?!? LOL
Meanwhile in your 20’s you have half of the people still in college, or very young adulthood, with the other half- emerging into Full Adulthood- (SCARY AF.)
I think of it like I think of middle school dances, the girls gravitated to each-other on one side, while the boys could be found on the opposite side of the gym. Only in this case- we have the 20-25 year old crew on one side typically, and the 26-29 on the other side.
Another Year Old, Another Year wiser
I never understood why people DESPISED getting older, as there is nothing I love more than my birthday ( yeah we KNOW, and if you don’t #birthofmerey)For me my birthday represents, another year of wisdom, life lessons, laughter and well OVERCOMING anything thrown your way.
For me it’s almost like NYE- you see all that can come(I fell this year on NYE shoulda taken it as a sign lol)- and you erase the year behind you, emerging forward stronger than ever- another year older. Okay maybe that’s just me- but maybe it’s also a good way to look at it.
I will say however- that there is relatively no difference in the men in their early twenties verse their upper twenties (From what I’ve Seen) but that’s a story as old as time- so before we get to sidetracked let’s dive in!
5 Personal Development Life Lessons
Self Growth Is Uncomfortable and You Will feel Lonely:
“Everything gets uncomfortable when it’s time to change. That’s just a part of the growth process. Things will get better. Be patient.”
I guess it’s ironic that during what I would consider one of my biggest self- growth moments of my life (where I feel uncomfortable and at times lonely) I am also here writing to you about the top 5 lessons I’ve learned in my twenties- but it’s all about perspective- and recognizing your progress!
The past few months, whether we liked it or not(me = NOT)- we were almost forced to do some sort of self evaluating and also we had no choice but to change how we live our lives- so with that we are going to feel uncomfortable and often lonely during times of great change, and growth- and that’s okay!
Lonely, isn’t just about being physically lonely-(as I am not) it can more so feel like- maybe that your priorities, values or overall life direction may not be aligning with those around you(fear not!) and this may lead to feeling alone in your own “self care journey.”
What I have found however is that, often we must isolate or be alone during some of our greatest growth moments- so that we aren’t distracting ourselves from our goals by extra outside noise.
Often we associated loneliness with being something so negative, because in most cases it feels that way-but during a time of growth, I think we should look at loneliness- as a time where things can really change in your life, and for the better.
“Why sure yes- we may feel isolated in our own heads, but I firmly believe That where great darkness lies- greatness, creativity and brilliance can derive.”
I guess “growing pains” truly never end- but hang tight!!!!!
NEVER SETTLE:
I spent my first part of my twenties, in a long- term relationship, playing house, ignoring how toxic the relationship was- all because I was too busy convincing myself- that “you cannot end up alone, you will never be happy.”
I almost thought like, “this is your chance, you could get married, that’s the dream,-right?”The truth is I was SINKING and I WAS MISERABLE- but sure I had “a relationship.”
The second or (the better part of my 20’s) has been spent correcting the mindset I developed in the earlier part. I have instead tirelessly focused on loving ME, ALL OF ME and knowing that I AM ENOUGH, with or without a man.
”Realizing that “The Quality of your Life is the Quality of your Relationships.”
Knowing that “if you settle in one area of your life, you most likely will begin to settle in all areas.”
At the time of my toxic relationship I was also in a job that was all wrong for me- where I was working grueling hours, had a two hour commute each way- and even though I was miserable, when you’re on the path of settling- you almost get used to being unhappy and it seems more normal or easier to go through the motions, then to truly take your life back.
I have said this once, and I will say it until I’m blue in the face, It’s one of the most unfair things in the world- to place the responsibility of your happiness on another human being, or another tangible item or situation (material possessions, a job, a relationship etc.)
The real work comes from WITHIN.
Do yourself a favor, and recognize that the real beauty in life comes the moment you start learning that you have everything you will ever need right inside of you.
No one will ever love you and know you as well as you know yourself, that is the most important relationship of your life. Once you have mastered that and once you actively work on yourself- that is when the true beauty comes in life.
Stress Kills:
We’ve all heard “you are what you eat” but truly also “you are what you stress” if that even makes sense lol. When I was diagnosed with lupus, it was a fluke accident where I didn’t really have any presenting symptoms, but a diet I was on required bloodwork- which came back abnormal-and long story short after MANY, MANY tests- and years or progressing symptoms- IM WITH LUPUS (I AM LUPUS LOl.)
At first, truly I really didn’t get the “big deal” because it wasn’t affecting me just yet- as I had almost NO symptoms at the time.
One thing that the doctors, and my parents constantly harped on was – that I needed to manage my stress, because stress will be the indicator of how serious the symptoms can be.
UMM okay, in one ear and out the other. I mean I was like 21 when I was diagnosed, I obviously knew all the answers- right!?! Also I had much more important things on my mind- Cheers, Beers and Mountaineers!
And not for nothing, back then stress was the driving force behind everything in my life, I almost didn’t even know that you could not have debilitating and raging stress.
Anyways, I was in a toxic relationship (see point above) and I was working a new job in the payroll industry this time with a two hour (each way) commute- I was gone 6 am- 8PM (minimum) running myself into the ground.
I remember, that summer when I started a new job at ADP at a different office, that was the first summer I felt the pain of lupus, and it was completely onset by my level of stress.I would walk through the subway rushing to catch my bus during my busy morning or evening commute, when I started noticing my feet felt like I was walking on nails. The pain was excruciating, and of course for about a month I just let it go.
I continued to feel the pain, worsening, but did nothing about it. It was that summer that I developed severe acid reflex (not just a burp people) truly debilitating, where I actually thought I was having a heart attack one night- but it was just an acid reflex attack.
It was also that summer I had to rush to NYU medical to have a ring cut off- because my bone was swelling over it. That was the last summer I was able to wear a closed ring as well( SOB STORY AM I RGHT LOL?!)
What I am saying is that, stress onset and made wore my symptoms and this can happen to anyone in any situation- not just those with an auto-immune disease.
A Boundary is a Boundary:
Boundary, a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.
I’m not great at defining my own boundaries, because I am a people pleaser- and I like to be LIKED- but it’s something that I’ve learned the importance of in my twenties, and something I’m actively working on for my own personal development- NOW MORE THEN EVER.
Also I am sure I push people’s boundaries on the daily- most times without even knowing- which brings me to my first point!
I think it’s very important to first define for yourself what your boundaries are- because if you don’t even know- how can others!
I think the key is (and I am still working on this!) getting comfortable with your limits and what you expect out of life and your relationships. Once you communicate whatever that may be- you must then try your best to make sure your boundaries are being respected.
EASIER said than done but for example so I don’t just talk in circles an example of a boundary of mine- would be;
“I expect my friends to give the amount of effort that I give in our friendships.”
So SURE- I understand my schedule may be more flexible then my other friends with their work schedules at this time- or I understand that I am on my phone much more than most- so no it’s not a matter of how often my friends reach out- and it’s not a tit for tat situation. Its more so- I feel as though I have communicated how much I value friendships, and I feel I make a good effort with my friends so I feel I deserve that back and If I feel like I’m constantly putting myself out there- with nothing in return that’s where the boundary comes in.
Obviously friendships and relationship have ebs and flows, but the overall status of the friendship should be an eb and flow- not more on one side then the other- ALL THE TIME. So If I’m always sending someone positive texts, reaching out seeing how they are- and they seldom respond or NEVER reach out to me, there’s a certain point where my boundary is going to set in- and I’m going to demand more respect in the friendship or unfortunately realize that this friendship isn’t the best for me.
Remember SELF-CARE is about one’s SELF- you MUST be SELFISH.
You should get what you give in life, and the amount of time and energy you put into a relationship- they should be reciprocating the efforts.
What I have been doing lately, is clearly defining for myself what some of my boundaries are- and once I had my list I was able to better access how I can navigate through making sure my boundaries are respected in life.
I think start small- just write down situations that make you feel uneasy or write down statements and start communicating with your friends- and see how they uphold your boundaries.
I will say this, If you don’t explain or define your boundaries clearly- sometimes you will have to have that tough conversation with someone.
I have found however that most people are receptive, and anyone who doesn’t respect your boundaries or continues to push them- I feel as though they shouldn’t necessarily have a place in your life.
I mean truly why do we continue to allow toxic relationships and energy into our lives? Why focus on it? Instead we should give all our energy and resources to those positive and reciprocating relationships!
If you can’t think here is some examples of some boundaries that you may have that are being pushed!
- Always being someone’s “go to person” because they know you can’t say no
- Taking advantage of someone
- Gaslighting Someone
- Not reciprocating efforts but expecting more from someone then you give.
The list goes on and on. I will say if something feels wrong- listen to your gut and try your best to communicate that you feel a boundary is being crossed.
You Should Be Having Fun
Alexa cue Willie Nelson “The Party’s Over” (please listen if you haven’t for a laugh. This song is great for a last call song at bars lol)
ANYWAYS!!!
I was one of the people who sobbed at my college graduation and as every teacher told me “congrats” I looked to them and said “why, the parties over?” I was literally the most miserable college graduate you will ever meet lol- but I truly thought that the fun was over and it was time to adult and adulting meant “going through the motions.”
Anyways, while yes there is a time to start “adulting” that doesn’t mean that the fun is over and that you shouldn’t enjoy life still. It also means that “its never too late to try anything new” as you’re never too old for anything.
I mean truly- what is the point of life if you go through it not enjoying ANYTHING and allowing stress/responsibilities to take over everything?
With that- I think start here… and you will find the “fun” more often!
- Work/ Life Balance: While I will always encourage going after your dream job- obviously if that’s not possible (yet!) at least work on balancing your work- life balance.
- Toxic Friendship/Relationship: Get OUT and Get Out Yesterday, life is too short to be dragged down.
- Treat yourself with experiences
Treat Yourself with Life Experiences
In conclusion: About a year and a half ago, I was in an Uber and naturally I started asking my driver all about “how they got started”(YES I AM THAT GIRL LOL)
The driver told me he used to work in the diamond industry- but since found his way out of this industry.
To which my nosey ass- of course had to know why ANYONE WOULD LEAVE BEHIND DIAMONDS!!?!? He said something so simple but profound, that I never forgot about.
He said “your generation, they don’t spend their big paychecks or really their money on diamonds, they more so spend their money on experiences- they can enjoy and remember forever.”
Not bad for the generation of instant gratification- am I right?!?
So with that- I encourage you to spend your time and energy on creating experiences and fun in life- because life is for the living and life is meant to be enjoyed.
Hang tight- lots of self growth is on it’s way!!!
Vibes
Xo,
